more on parenting tactics

The brilliant Sheryl tweeted that she charges a candy tax for every wrapper she finds on the floor. Excellent! So today, after catching Shmoo trying to lift Loki cat up with a doll scarf, I told him if I saw him hurting the cat or Roo that I would take a piece of candy out of his basket and eat it. As I was gathering shoes and coats to get us out the door for his afternoon Pre-K, I caught Shmoo roughly squeezing Roo on the couch. (He puts one hand on her belly and the other on the small of her back and pushes them together.) I announced that I was taking a piece of his candy and did it. (I set the candy aside because I had just brushed my teeth.) He was crestfallen. Candy is his Precious. So we'll see how effective this is. The best part about it is I can just calmly announce it and do it, rather than put him in time-out, which tends to get dramatic and incendiary. When the candy's all gone, however, I'll have to figure out another plan.

Shmoo's actions worry me a bit because no matter what I say/do, he doesn't seem to realize the consequences of what he does. Empathy doesn't seem to be his strong suite. I wouldn't say it's on the level of sociopath—probably more a lack of impulse control.

It's tough to find the balance of controlling him vs. letting things play out. The cat has claws and teeth and can run away and jump out of reach. Roo can speak up for herself and physically can hold her own more and more. She enjoys the roughhousing they do (different than today's incident because it wasn't mutual). But Shmoo is nearly 50 lbs and strong as an ox. Bottom line is we don't inflict harm on others. /sigh/

Comments

[Mark E]

"Shmoo's actions worry me a bit because no matter what I say/do, he doesn't seem to realize the consequences of what he does. Empathy doesn't seem to be his strong suite. I wouldn't say it's on the level of sociopath—probably more a lack of impulse control."

You have no idea how comforting it is to hear that, dealing with our newly minted 5-year-old who is incredibly smart, curious and imaginative but also seldom seems to show any understanding of the reasoning behind discipline, and whose idea of "remorse" is more an angry reaction to our angry reactions ("SORRY!!!!!") than anything else.

[el-e-e]

that is something I might have to try. Our candy jar is giant and rarely touched, but the fruit snacks box... THAT might make a difference to AJ... because time-out ALWAYS results in add'l DRAMA like you said. Ugh.

Good luck.

[Xdm]

Beck does the same thing, It's the "all about me" age. He does the same thing with Lulu sort of climbs on her, (oh, and an aside, how strange do I feel yelling, "Get off your sister!") We try to stick to our punishments, (we still do the corner) and the more he yells "SORRY!" or hollers, the more time he gets. The other night i felt like the asshole principal in The Breakfast Club, "I've got you for the rest of your life!"

[Erin]

When he runs out of candy? Buy him more. :) I'm thinking the candy tax sounds like a great idea!

I'm waiting for my girls to get older and then I'm going to start lifting their allowance for things like missing the bus or can't-find-it-itis (you know, where they can't find something, you tell them exactly where to look and they STILL can't find it, only for you to find it exactly where described), forgotten homework and other fun stuff like that. It will ALL cost them. Probably $1 a shot. Prices might rise due to market demands... *evil cackle* (My coworker told me about this when I was pregnant with Emily and I have been waiting for the time to be right to implement...)